Last words

I have been having really weird dreams lately, which happens when I'm pregnant.  The other night I had a dream that I died, but that I was allowed to communicate with Darryl and each of my children one last time.  In my dream I was struggling with what I could possibly say to my young children that would influence them at all in life.  I awoke and stayed awake for hours, my mind going over and over possible legacies I could leave my children.  I finally convinced myself to go back to sleep.

But the dream is still with me.  I've been thinking about it, and decided that with such young children, my last words wouldn't matter very much.  They would eventually fade away.  If I disappeared tonight, the best I could hope for is that they would remember the way they felt when they were with me.  I'd want them to remember that I loved them fiercely, and that we could laugh and play together.  I'd want them to see my picture and think, "she accepted me for who I am."

I hope I get to be with my children until we are all old and gray.  But I also want to live my life with no regrets and in such a way that I won't have to worry about whether or not I got to tell my loved ones One Last Thing.