I have been on a campaign to vanquish fear (irrational fear) from my life. I won another battle recently. When I was 17, I auditioned for the Salute to Youth program with the Southwest Symphony. I learned a piano concerto by Shostakovich and performed it with my teacher playing the orchestra part. In the middle of the audition, I lost my place and my mind went totally blank. I sat staring at the keys, paralyzed by fear. One of the judges brought the music to me, but it made no sense to me. After what felt like hours, but was really only a few seconds, my teacher said, "Go to the cadenza!" I did, and was able to play the rest of the piece perfectly. After the audition, the conductor of the symphony (who is a friend of my dad's) told him that if it weren't for memory block, I would have been chosen to perform with the symphony.
Since then, I have had a hard time memorizing music, and never play in public by memory. Well, I decided that one mistake had haunted me long enough. I sang a solo with the community choir I sing with from memory in our last concert. I didn't forget a word. It felt good to overcome something that had been bugging me for a long time. The next step will be to play the piano in a public setting from memory. I'm not sure when I'll have that opportunity, but when it comes, I'll take it.
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